I've been alone in the house since Sunday night. Spouse, daughter and grandson went to Disneyland for spring break. I don't want to fly and had been to Disney World and Epcot Center often enough when we lived in Florida 8 years. I would have loved to have spent the time with them, though. It will be good to have them back home.
Today I drove to the Mitchell Trail trailhead and headed off on my old bread and butter jogging route (when I used to jog!) behind the houses on Arizona. It's changed a lot since the Cerro Grande fire. It used to be treed but now most areas are toasted. Part still has trees but much thinned out from the old days.
I tried intervals of almost jogging on the 2 mile trip out to the Rendija Trail and on the way back, walked as fast as I could, especially on the uphills. At one point, as motivation, I pretended that Geronimo was chasing me. (I recently watched the Geronimo segment on the excellent PBS series "We Shall Remain".) My aim was to attack the uphills to try to get in better shape because when I walk with hiking groups, it's not always at a pace that conditions me aerobically.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Dark Pit
Written this morning but then I relented and added a title: Too tired and depressed to even make a title. Considered giving it the redundant title of today's date and time. Redundant because that would appear on the post anyway. Instead, I'll leave it title-less and see how it looks on the page.
Sometimes I feel like I don't want to live anymore or, at least, that I don't have a reason to live anymore. Not that I'm planning to off myself but sometimes, everything seems to be too much. Stupid things like dealing with contractors regarding our aging house or aging - nothing serious like a fatal disease, which would really give me something to worry about.
I'm almost wondering if this loss of joie de vivre is caused by chocolate. To test my theory, I didn't have any for a week or so and the terrible feeling of doom seemed to go away. Then, on Tuesday, I filched chocolate-covered almonds and chocolate-covered walnuts from the bulk food bins at Whole Foods and yesterday evening, I had that awful feeling that everything was hopeless and I didn't have a reason to live - I felt like my life was purposeless. Part could be that I had only a little over 6 hours of sleep each of the last two nights - like, duh! Stayed up so late Tuesday, the day of the Albuquerque trip to the podiatrist and Hanger, trying to make pads for the sore spot on my left foot. The podiatrist made several of them but left the making of the rest of them (for my 3 insoles and 3 orthotics) to me.
More later. I have to get ready to go out to the library and walk my four miles. If I don't quit now, I'll be on the computer all day.
Sometimes I feel like I don't want to live anymore or, at least, that I don't have a reason to live anymore. Not that I'm planning to off myself but sometimes, everything seems to be too much. Stupid things like dealing with contractors regarding our aging house or aging - nothing serious like a fatal disease, which would really give me something to worry about.
I'm almost wondering if this loss of joie de vivre is caused by chocolate. To test my theory, I didn't have any for a week or so and the terrible feeling of doom seemed to go away. Then, on Tuesday, I filched chocolate-covered almonds and chocolate-covered walnuts from the bulk food bins at Whole Foods and yesterday evening, I had that awful feeling that everything was hopeless and I didn't have a reason to live - I felt like my life was purposeless. Part could be that I had only a little over 6 hours of sleep each of the last two nights - like, duh! Stayed up so late Tuesday, the day of the Albuquerque trip to the podiatrist and Hanger, trying to make pads for the sore spot on my left foot. The podiatrist made several of them but left the making of the rest of them (for my 3 insoles and 3 orthotics) to me.
More later. I have to get ready to go out to the library and walk my four miles. If I don't quit now, I'll be on the computer all day.
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